Wally's...


There a lot of things that go on in the big wide world of Walmart. I am proud to say that I am a new Wal-Mart cashier (#whatever #whathasmylifecometo #whyamihashtagging). It's a fun time. I've only been working there for a few months and I have already come to the conclusion that the world hates cashiers. PEOPLE, I am a person. An American person. I like to do all the same things you do. So I've come up with 10 things the world can do to make my life happier. Not easier, just happier.

#10
Separate your crap from other people's crap.
And don't get mad at me when I scan something that isn't yours. When clearly, there was no way to tell. Because guess what? I can take that shiz off your ticket and you won't even have to pay for it. Imagine that. Wal-Mart is smarter than you think.

#9
Put your cart where it belongs.
I don't care what your excuse is, it's 20 feet away, just do it. If you have traumatic experiences of seriously breaking your legs and being in a wheelchair for three months the last time you put a cart away (not that I speak from experience at all…) get over it. It's really not that hard.

#8
Give me the crap you don't want.
I have a place for it. A nice little silver rubbermaid box under my register for all the things you changed your mind about. Don't be embarrassed. I don't care. And also, you should know that when you just shove random items into the check out lane… I get in trouble for it. ME. Getting in trouble for something I didn't do. Be considerate.

#7
Don't get mad.
If an item you are purchasing isn't the price you thought it was, just tell me you don't want it. That's life, it isn't all as it seems. Remember that items get placed in the wrong spot all the time. Like the pound of meat you just shoved into the pepsi bottle fridge a few seconds ago. Sorry, that meat isn't a $1.50.

#6
If you're underaged, don't buy tobacco or alcohol products. Just don't. I'm not an idiot. It's wrong and you know it. Keep yourself healthy. Both physically and mentally. If you're overaged, don't be rude about it. I'm required to card you, unless you look like a grandma. I'm not judging you, it's my job. It's your own life decision, and you know what? I think it gives you character… if you're still a decent person. Plus I love me some good drunk people. Y'all is funny.

#5
If you aren't American, teach me about yourself.
Tell me all about your culture and your homeland, because I think it's REALLY COOL. Don't just sit their and babble in Portuguese to your friend. I'm pretty good with languages, even if I don't know what you're saying, I can detect where you're from, and I can guarantee you… I'll think you're awesome. If you tell me about it. And Seriously, if you know any bit of English, speak it to me. I love me a good game of charades, but I don't appreciate being ignored when I'm the one helping you out.

#4
Talk to me.
As I stated earlier, I'm an American, which means I love to talk. Love it. In fact, it's one of my favorite things to do. Don't just ask me how I'm doing, go beyond simple pleasantries. NO ONE likes small talk. Tell me about your life. Don't get weird, but tell me the most exciting thing you did today. Even if it's that you walked your dog around the block. I like dogs, doesn't everyone? I JUST WANT TO TALK. I stand behind a computer all day.

#3
Don't call me pet names.
You've known me for 30 seconds, you don't know if I'm sweetheart. And that's weird. And creepy. Flirt with me all you want, but you may NOT pretend we're tight. Cause we're not.

#2
Don't swear.
You don't know me, you don't know my life. I'm not your best friend, I'm not your worst enemy. It doesn't matter if you're trying to be funny, it's just polite. To be honest, I usually don't mind it. But when it's Sunday, and I'm skipping my favorite and most important part of the week to serve you, you can respect me.

#1
Take your freaking bags off the turntable.
It literally takes every fiber of my being to keep my mouth shut when a customer just stands there as I desperately search for more room to put their shiz on the tiny spinning table of bags.  GET THEM OFF. Nothing, absolutely nothing makes me more angry. You could yell at me and I still wouldn't be as angry as when you don't get your bags off the stupid table.


Just so y'all are aware, I don't hate my job. There are a lot of cool things that happen everyday. My favorite part is talking to the chicklets. Kids are hilarious. I like getting to know my co-workers and making new friends. Also, behind the customer service desk at Wal-mart is the upmost prime position for people watching. Really, y'all should check it sometime. There's even a convenient bench for civilians to sit and enjoy the antics of Wal-Mart.

Peace out, home-skillets.

-Moom

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